Expressions

Random thoughts that ought to be added to my mental library of "Life is full of surprises".... without sounding preachy- Faith, in any form, is a humbling and profoundly enriching experience. Everyone should consider believing in something—anything—whether it’s an unknown higher power or a concept that transcends our understanding. It’s about discovering what resonates with you and learning how to tune into that frequency once you crack the code! I am still learning what that code is though :D Watching a sunset can help slow down the racing thoughts in your constantly hustling mind. However, it also opens a Pandora's box of life's difficult questions—what and why. Despite this, I would still recommend it 100%! :) The courage to do something boldly reckless—something that quickens your heartbeat—is one of the most life-altering experiences you can have! Somewhere, someone always appears out of nowhere when you least expect it, and it's rarely a pleasant surprise! :...

Happiness seems like a myth...or more like a unicorn.... a moment its there and in the next poof!! You are sitting with your family content and feeling extremely grateful... glimpse of happiness and a couple of uniform tirades later, you are chasing the past through nostalgia or the future with wishful thinking. How does one end with this vicious circle always... you always think that happiness is a state of mind that WAS ...or will be...for me it mostly was. So I hear people saying to live in the moment, cherish every moment as it truly is and there lies eternal happiness. Haven't we heard, read this in thousands of books... a variation may be but with similar meaning? And yet unable to achieve such a simple phenomena for more than a couple of times. It is hard , extremely hard to be in that meditative state of mind that attracts only the bliss, sees and feels only the goods. You understand this but yet unable to live it through. Yeah, some of you may mark me as a cynic... w...

This morning I had a revelation ...again... ( I don't know how or why this frequency of wonder and gratitude has increased drastically in the past few months...probably my guardian angel has finally woken up from sleep :) ) I get coaxed a lot to meditate before going to bed...concentrate on breathing...focus on a singular thought...imagine a reverie... all this to reduce stress...get peace of mind ...blah blah and things like that....and me reacting like when you are forced to drink turmeric milk on sick days ! But this fine morning, my senses got better of me and I groggily agreed to do some deep breathing and just how beautifully this act turned out for me! I got up, opened my window pane wide and braced the early day breeze. So basically, I wake up to a view like this every day - which is not bad at all of course and the amount and intensity of air I get is paramount...I wish I could wake up early and store all the fresh unadulterated oxygen in a tank and use it in ...

Do you recall the times when you sat peacefully after completing all the household chores on a Sunday and suddenly the rain starts pouring in the eastward wind direction and you realize you forgot to close the windows of the bedroom and water has already started seeping on the bed and the side table and the floor! Or the times when the maid is off duty and you have cleaned the floor and you get up and realize your child has urinated near the low seated mattress and the book shelf from which she is conveniently throwing books into the puddle! or the times when you are rushing to the kitchen to get something off the shelf and in a hurry you drop a glass bowl ...bravo! You have successfully mastered the art of adding unnecessary work to life...endless chores! zero productivity! no satisfaction! And this incessant feeling mounting up your throats which when released is an under-exaggerated shriek. Welcome to the world of highly volcanic obsessive freaks....or more conveniently called ni...

Apu was an average Indian teenager. He had grown up in a small town in the heart of India – Madhya Pradesh. He was a perfect example of majority section of boys of his age – shy and clumsy, nervous and excited, hopeful and dreamy. Apu had just entered college. He attended his classes, tried to stay away from girls (but in vain) and did best efforts to be a sincere boy. Like others, Apu also had wishful view of college life – how the days could be spent loitering around, how to find friends for lifetime while doing all the illegal and exciting adolescent activities, bunking classes for a movie, being mindless about future, studying only enough to remember pointers to elaborate all the technicalities in the exam. How almost perfect life is in college; Apu had imagined same for himself. Unfortunately, life can never walk on a straight line. There are bound to be twists and turns created due to God’s free style longhand strokes on our canvases. Tragedy struck. Apu’s mother...

I'm a loner and I don't like going out alone. I would look for the comfort of a friend's company to keep me distracted throughout so that I can giggle in between, have a safe umbrella of being with someone to talk to and not look around lost and return home safely.   Just to keep you on the same page, I am loudly talking about going out alone apart from work. I go to work daily by driving my car, interact with colleagues, and have a healthy number of friends and an amazing husband.  I like to think of myself as an independent working woman who is adequately funny and cheerful, has an average Indian lethargy within, like most people, is a jack of all trades and master of none; I like to try multiple things with more interest than passion and would like to believe that I'm still discovering the real kick in life.  Out of my many silly troubles in life, the current major point of concern is that I need a good company for shopping, movies, beaches, local streets a...

It’s been 4 days since I've left the very satisfyingly paying job of 7 years. And why? You may ask. And my whimsical answer is to set foot on an unexplored land of my fantasies.  I took this step with a lot of fear and anxiety but bundles of hope in my heart too.  I've been receiving a lot of flak for this decision and my steps have been faltering at the periphery itself. I wonder if I really have taken a wise decision after all! I have been lazing around mostly since the past 40-50 hours and have done little contribution to fuel my fire of interest. And I certainly wonder what have I lost for this freedom of nonchalance. I most certainly miss driving my favourite vehicle to office and back home; trying to dodge the traffic and edgily overtaking other cars from any available side of the lane, cursing the slowly moving ones on the right most lanes. I miss the Mumbai radio tuning into latest songs and sometimes just listening to the sounds of the wheels creating fricti...

I got up from my office desk with a mild throbbing and mind juggling to find the fix for the defect I was working on ..... Muttering to myself , lines on my forehead, avoiding eye contacts with passer by colleagues , I dodged my way to the washroom pretending to check the endless and meaningless FB newsfeed.....and ofcourse occasionally sighing to a distant acquaintance's exotic holiday pictures ! Ugh ...Sigh !!!!  Social media  is entering into our lives with a small pouch of depression hidden under its sleeve....Under the pretense of connecting with the lost forgotten contacts ( whom we would never have struggled to dial in or email or stay in touch otherwise coz we simply do not care !), it is giving us a paradigm to judge ourselves on the popularity scale, to induce jealousy and frustration slowly and steadily (oh ...She got a promotion/ What an exotic location he is holidaying in / how pretty her dress is/how much fun they seem to be having in the deliberate crazy poses...

Another year gone by! Another leaf turned over.....this one was supposed to be special owing to the fact that it was the first year of marriage... novel and revitalizing and a phase of self- discovery. I have had a very blissful year when you come to think of it. No hassles with the already known husband (then boyfriend) ...... of course a few fights, arguments and disagreements did pop out here and there...but as they say its being going well :). You rather get addicted to the company and safe haven of your partner.In my case, I got totally dependent on him seeking him for every problem, waiting to turn over his magic wand and fix all the troubles away and criticize and nag him if he behaved any bit strand of human by failing least.  I lost my independence, control over myself in return of life long beautiful companionship. The odds are high. I'm unable to decide which one is better though my heart wishes for both. I believe its possible as well. I'm just struggling with the...

While remembering some real experiences of my life, I scanned the pages of my life real quick. Unable to figure out which one would I pick out, I decided to go with the one which came first to my mind. Yes, I could remember it now. A very rusty road leading to the 3 storeyed house of my chote nanajee. It was supposedly one of the first houses of the area and it stood majestically tall. Just opposite to the house was a well. Yes a well….which was too deep for us little kids to engulf for ever. And as a picturesque scenery, there was a Jamun Tree just by the well’s walls. The roots of the tree made the well’s base seem to me a little crooked and if it is coming out of the earth( rocky stones) in form a sine or cosine waves…Ofcourse, I didn’t know the terms then I was too young for these terms. The rest part of the area was dusty , earthy and only wild shrubs and plants adorned it. Anyways, I was always fascinated by this scenery watching it from the balcony. Once we cousins on a hot su...

The past month was very eventful for Indians.It seemed liked independence revolution came back but this time it was India against India. Though I was mentally/emotionally/sometimes physically part of it......somehow the lazy me wouldn't permit me to think about it more than an hour of the day. But one of friends played the role. I'm extremely amazed at the spirit of this woman who is another ordinary person like me with ambivalent aspirations and bubble gum generation ideology but the ardent support she offered for this movement was great. I'm proud of you Charu(who's the Anna hazare of our gang) and here's a excerpt of her experience of this movement in Bangalore in her own scribbles..... 1. back from Pune, tired 16th Aug 2. D told me about movement in blore 3. Saw on TV 4. Sonali and I discussed, kuch nahi bahut saare logon ko to pata nahi hoga ky aho raha hai why they have come to ramlila etc in delhi, anna arrested 16th aug 5. saw tv news , polite anna an...

Here it comes again.......not the same. A different version of nervousness. unable to comprehend, decipher my own acts. this one is set out on a different tone. unknown feelings about someone i'd known so long. and different characters involved. A mother with traditional rural background unable to adjust with my modern attitude. We both are struggling to keep up with the silence during the conversation.... and I can feel that too. But i'm surprised to learn she works in a bank in the local village...and the father goes to the nearby town and works as a chemical engineer and yet they have a very humble place to eat , relax and sleep....I'm set off to another one now where i'm struggling with my inner self not to fall for.....but its just impossible. Even as i woke up perspiring today, I could feel the same and it lingered on for another couple of hours ! They say that 99 % of the dreams are forgotten in a few minutes after you wake up....Yes i dont rem the faces exc...

Here i go again.....I'd been in a state of "non-working"(if there's a term like that, demotivating (or was it un-motivating!)....see i was just like that...lost !!! I always used to tell my friend that I'd do this that, blah, blah.....if only I had time!!! and I got a return appropriate bashing that I was not am eminent personality to be stuck with some nuclear deal type of affairs to start something new....So finally I forced myself out of bed and computer games on a cozy saturday afternoon...went to a near by government school...where some of the like minded ppl gathered every weekend to teach children ! It was hell lot of fun....I was feeling awkward at the thought of how wil I teach and wat good knowledge I could probably impart the innocent souls....but the children themselves made my task easier .....they came up to me running, eyes beaming with naughtiness and hands eager to write "A B C D"...I was just much more happier to be able to do something...

The past week was a memorable one………I sang, danced, saw ppll fight, shout and yell at each other, gossip, and bitch about each other , got dressed up and had fun ! These are how Indian marriages go about …. The day I landed in my hometown….I ran to my Nani’s place . Everyone had gathered for our dear, little kid of the family ‘Choti’s’ wedding !! All the rooms were full…The TV room had been occupied by all the male members of the extended families who were mostly silent until and unless involved in very engrossing discussions about petrol prices, new government in Bihar, religion , public departments and every stuff under the sun remotely related to the occasion for which they had been cordially invited. The middle room had all the ladies and their vocal chords working at maximum capacity , chattering and gossiping , working together in the kitchen, showing off their latest assets and creating a perfect environment for all the gossip mongers of the house. The other room was f...

So finally I end my endeavor (a very poor attempt and I realized my potential as a teacher) ........ Meanwhile I got a glimpse of how high the expectation bar is raised for me ...... Though just saved face from the situations turning more ugly...... all's well that ends well ..........NOPE......... all's well that ends anyways :P !!!! and look forward to a new one ........ whooopeeee !!!!! Things getting more fussy with time......... seems this is the first when I m leaving my home ........well not actually.....though it seems ....... to the ugly insensitive bad world of corporate ....... he he......not rhyming !! My nerves getting tense with each passing moment ....... can't help with the anxiety I have .....which is quite peculiar ....... coz considering me being a funloving adventurous type of a person ........ I am so much skeptical abt this software thing ........ hope my future bosses dont come across this :P Well all aside its party time !!!!! get to with a...

Another interview experience............ perspiring even in the air conditioner , flipping magazines (almost finished the stock), trying to grab tits of conversations from the passersby, observing ppl and sometimes just giving impatient expressions to the decider of my fate for changing my life for the next month or so....... hmnnn to having go through the mathematical test was a brainstorming session for me ......... whereas sir thought of me in brilliant shades (of being an engg i suppose)....... but the other part which was worrying me the more went away so smoothly.......... and finally when I heard him offering me the position of a trainee, counselor and coordinator at the same time......... In my mind were running applauses for having achieved a very minuscule and unimportant and simply not so grt and burning eyes profile........... I came home with so much excitement .......... but some part of me was reluctant to give up the leisurely life I was leading .......... The inertia ...

Had very strange experiences in the previous days........ sadness of being proven the unlucky charm on one side and the anxiety of the serious "now what" discussions at home privately.........and on the top "the queen of stupids" committing a grave blunder ........ which may turns life upside down ........ especially at these hours.....!!!! Confused ???!!!?? So am I............... God help us both :)

Another B'day waiting to pass by...... like many others with no existence......getting an year older .... wondering about the purposelessness of life ...... and still running for achievements !!! but this year I am also adamant to make it special :) something to be fondly remembered !!! Cheers !!!!! Happy Birthday to me :)

So here I am ......21 years of life ....... where I spent my 2 months in writing a diary for my past 6 years of adventurous roller coaster ride......I finally decided to make it digital and connected.......public u see !!!! but i don't know how successful I'd be..... Welcome to myself !!!![:)]