Expressions

Today was a mind opener for me .......... got to know so many secrets of my school mates..... whom i think of today gives me shivers........ what the hell........ life's really been a change since school.......... the innocence , the charm and the magic of friendship had different meanings then.............there was no pretence ....... no harsh feelings for anybody other than just in like a child's mind .......... but it was a tender age....... ppl were so gullible then tht many of my mates got into bad stuff imagine at the time of school....... ofcourse I was unaware of it until now.......... But yes it was fun spending time with 2 of my oldest buddies on this earth......... spilling beans and gossiping abt other ppl (most fun stuff :P).........But some times It made me uncomfortable when there was PDA between them............... It reminded me of ....

So finally I end my endeavor (a very poor attempt and I realized my potential as a teacher) ........ Meanwhile I got a glimpse of how high the expectation bar is raised for me ...... Though just saved face from the situations turning more ugly...... all's well that ends well ..........NOPE......... all's well that ends anyways :P !!!! and look forward to a new one ........ whooopeeee !!!!! Things getting more fussy with time......... seems this is the first when I m leaving my home ........well not actually.....though it seems ....... to the ugly insensitive bad world of corporate ....... he he......not rhyming !! My nerves getting tense with each passing moment ....... can't help with the anxiety I have .....which is quite peculiar ....... coz considering me being a funloving adventurous type of a person ........ I am so much skeptical abt this software thing ........ hope my future bosses dont come across this :P Well all aside its party time !!!!! get to with a...

"I wish we were born with maps in our hands...... which would give us a direction (or atleast sense) in times of waywardness and complete loss of credibility towards life......!!!" Just wish could read my own heart......... atleast life would stop spiraling and we could pretend to know where we'd land up !!! "Ah! u r speaking my mind....." Relieved to know that I am not the craziest one !! (no offense to the speaker whatsoever) Sometimes it is too human to expect things from ppl ...... actually a lot and not things ....emotions and chemistry ....... Throughout my ride to work I keep thinking about how not to expect and be happy (ofcourse) but it is the other way round...... Iffff we were in our controls !!! ah the world would have been a different place altogether........ Cut 2 Ppl passing by............. trying not to meet eyes with anyone but mostly fails in the task and have to face the 'about to smile' or 'just smiled' or 'not again' ...

Hmnn........ vacations over !!! back to work tomorrow...... It was very rare that I suffered from Monday blues.........but lately there's been a lot of panic arousing with each sunday passing by.......... Just being at home is so much more easier :P Well ........a hell lot of things happening and also complete inactivity at the same time...........Its been quite a while I watched movies back to back ......... not after hostel life......... but this time no one to giggle with in between the drama.......none to mimic and mock and make fun of every single detail attached to the actors........ and of course no pleading for the interval breaks and snack times... the snugness and the coziness (less of our hard metal beds ; more of the friends nearly stacked upon one another :P)........ missing them !!! and yes I made perfectly round Chapatis (yipppeeee!!!)....... again I miss shiks for her taun...

Rakhi celebrations in full swing ....... though this time a little masala was there.......and less of family reunion......My own brother..... arrived with a first hand experience of travelling in general after waiting for almost 8 hrs at the station....... and a little tits bits of trouble including TC encounter , starvation and wearing a torn wet shirt throughout the journey back home ....... and ofcourse bunking classes just to be present here on this one occasion so he cud express few gestures of affection (otherwise rarely displayed) for his little sis......... hmnn I am impressed :) Was just wondering what actually has been left of the Rakhi in these times.......... In a positive sense ..... yes it does the job of binding ppl together ..... especially married sisters and cousins....... for once in a while ppl get engrossed and atleast attempt to humor (in all forms) ........ click some conventional photographs for memories........ and buy sweets and eat together and gossip......

Another interview experience............ perspiring even in the air conditioner , flipping magazines (almost finished the stock), trying to grab tits of conversations from the passersby, observing ppl and sometimes just giving impatient expressions to the decider of my fate for changing my life for the next month or so....... hmnnn to having go through the mathematical test was a brainstorming session for me ......... whereas sir thought of me in brilliant shades (of being an engg i suppose)....... but the other part which was worrying me the more went away so smoothly.......... and finally when I heard him offering me the position of a trainee, counselor and coordinator at the same time......... In my mind were running applauses for having achieved a very minuscule and unimportant and simply not so grt and burning eyes profile........... I came home with so much excitement .......... but some part of me was reluctant to give up the leisurely life I was leading .......... The inertia ...

GTalk is an amazing thing (few yrs earlier i wud have given the credit to yahoo messenger) ......lets see the record of my past few days............. well I went for a movie at the first multiplex in my city after lots of prepone and postponements of dates ........... I clarified misunderstanding with a coll friend after 2 days of diplomatic and around the bush chats on gtalk........ got reprimanding for such a depressing blog with a sad undertone and silly topics from quite a lot unexpected friends [:(]..........caught up with an old friend about the "rights" of our life [:P]...........met a critic of my writing and clicking skills..........dared to buzz even those ppl i never ever spoke more than a "hi" once and whew talked for about more than 15 min to a few (thats good Amee)....... This medium is an open and guiltless means of conversation to even the unknowns coz it offers the flexibility of being the unknown........ switching to invisible ............and ofc...

An attempt of satire towards Indian politics and amused criticism to how things are done in India....... the book "Making the Minister Smile" is a great read !!! Appearing to be what can be called as "The great Indian comedy "........ it touches the chords on the other side........ to what ppl feel and see in the "contemprory art cinema" or in the lines of Madhur Bhandarkar............the book is quite different from the author's previous one "The Inscrutable Americans"......(which was a hilarious take on the small uptown Indian student getting into the American way of life).......... Anurag Mathur surely has an intelligent humor....... Both the books are not to be missed !!!

hmnnn.......no i am not going to bore u with a list of my stupid habits (which did or did not) ..... was just wondering abt some stuff done unknowingly like its always about the right leg ..... be it wearing socks or putting ur feet first........or closing our eyes while sneezing (oh well thats natural)...... or always reading on the bed ......... or even more stupids u can think of ......... ahhh forget it !!! . . . am i still sane................ :(

Had very strange experiences in the previous days........ sadness of being proven the unlucky charm on one side and the anxiety of the serious "now what" discussions at home privately.........and on the top "the queen of stupids" committing a grave blunder ........ which may turns life upside down ........ especially at these hours.....!!!! Confused ???!!!?? So am I............... God help us both :)

"मन भारी है ४० सेर से भी कहीं ज्यादा मन जो भागता प्र्काश से भी कहीं ज्यादा आज थम गया है पोखर के पानी से भी कहीं ज्यादा मन उदास है उदासी से भी कहीं ज्यादा ।" Very true words describing my state of mind....... not by me of course!!!

My present engagement.......... testimonials ........ yes ........ to all the people who are close to my heart / have made a difference to my life / and the ones i miss often :( so trying to be as emotional as i can (rationally of course) ...... and to portray that in words is too difficult ....... but yes it helps me overcome an emotional block and grudges........ Mood : emotional Music : Zindagi ke safar mein ( kishore kumar)

yes ....... in a struggling phase that is suppose to last for few seasons !!!! seeing friends moving in to professional lives and out of relationships ultimately.......huh...... whats happenin??? may be I am stagnant......... yes frozen up in the 1000 bricks covered from all sides with some space for air to breathe and electronic media for entertainment and some sandwiches and sauce for survival ........just like dave level 0 ......... and yes the level never increases....... sigh!!! guess i am becoming paranoid!!!! leave that stuff....... trying hands at something new....... somethings like homedecorating learning to waltz (yes i m trying that too) web designing spanish cooking (my mom's fav sport) learning to draw potraits learning to draw (don't look at me like that) photography (keeps me sane) learning to blog (is that essential???) keep reading to discover how these vanish from the blog and my mind in the next few days !!!

Another B'day waiting to pass by...... like many others with no existence......getting an year older .... wondering about the purposelessness of life ...... and still running for achievements !!! but this year I am also adamant to make it special :) something to be fondly remembered !!! Cheers !!!!! Happy Birthday to me :)

THE TIME GAME http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/r edsquare.html an interesting time pass.....just try it once. try to beat my score....its 25 secs

Friends are strange !!!!..... yes surprisingly .... u always predict them coz u know them for a long time and not coz our ideologies match..... it hurts but yes u can't avoid them..... they are such cruel people who makes ur life miserable without them..... the chemistry i share with one of my closest buddy (we think almost alike....paradox) is simply awesome..... but sometimes these similar minded beings get too similar to be self obsessed ..... that they don't even communicate despite being so closely occupying spaces on the same floors all the college life...... perhaps giving space to each other...... or maybe too bored of sharing the similar adventurous lives......:| it happens... but hey am I complaining.......... nooooooooo she has been a source of inspiration of my not so banal life.!!!!! I miss u :)

I was wondering how these 6 years have moulded my personality ...I have started looking at things with a different perspective all together now......... with a politically incorrect, socially out casted, emotionally choking one ......

So here I am ......21 years of life ....... where I spent my 2 months in writing a diary for my past 6 years of adventurous roller coaster ride......I finally decided to make it digital and connected.......public u see !!!! but i don't know how successful I'd be..... Welcome to myself !!!![:)]