Wishful thinking!

I had a revelation this afternoon...While I was rocking my 2 month old baby to sleep in my arms, I had this sudden rush of joy ..... feeling what I was feeling at the moment, bearing down the 5 kg weight of my child and immeasurable weight of my aspirations. My mind drifted back to 15-16 years ago, when in my adolescence I used to wonder what life had in store for me? How was it going to turn out?

Back in those days, I used to imagine details about my future life and tried to create vivid scenes in my mind about the specifics...How will I look? What kind of job would I do? The kind of people I would befriend. Where and how will I travel ? Of course, you would have guessed, all these details will come with a certain level of smugness and audacity ...I am a so called introvert and therefore I did like to believe that I evolved as a very outgoing, extrovert and super friendly kind of person in the coming future (early and mid 20s)...one whose popularity tops the chart in social circles. I had a jazzy and envious career to boast of. Oh! How I used to love this wishful thinking and would spend hours day dreaming :P
And it kind of did good to boost the morale of the spirit ...to give hope that future is uncertain and amazing and the kind which I yearn for! If anything bad happened in the society or on the news....it was never in my dreams! and that is the beauty and power of the imagination.

But of course, having a child never crossed the mind at that tender age...So suddenly when I had this rush of emotions today, I realized why this exhilaration was so special. Because this was something I had never thought of before in my wishful dreams. Life thought -"Well, lets see! you don't have this in your charts. So why not put it there, mess it up a bit and have fun seeing you juggle with it". Tell you what Life, you did catch me there buddy!

By late twenties, I was already exhausted by the current idea of a career....always always wanting to try something different, something much more exciting. Bored with the current idea of living at the same place all your life..having purchased a house sort of add to the irony....Having an idea of a baby in this picture sometimes gave me jitters....of a visual of a life which everyone had...curbed the freedom of so many wild beings running inside your head. And it kind of exasperated me.

And today afternoon, as though all this thought just came sweeping in my head that how life had caught me in its whirlwind, how it has forced me into its jungle of mundane and routine....how I am just another ordinary person with 89% deviation from my dreamy me....Aah!
But then, this is what the surprise element in life is .... the things which I dreaded have also given birth to moments of curiosity and excitement of an alternate life.... of how I can still deviate from the ordinary while still being an ordinary....there can be and will be challenging times and also satiated ones ...I guess this all will make it worthwhile!

I look back in nostalgia if I am what I wanted to be ..and hell no, I am not even close! But am I happy? Yeah...sort of! :). I still have wishful dreams all the time...they are all the same and more...this time I imagine exotic travels, accomplishing wonderful feats in my career, do something extraordinary with life so when we meet at the end of the road, we can pat each other's back - "You were wonderful mate!"


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